## The Irrelevance of External Judgements The opinions and judgements of others regarding our lives and the personal choices we make are, in essence, irrelevant. While it's natural to consider what others think, ultimately, the decisions that shape our existence are ours to make, and their value should not be determined by external validation. Someone else's perception of your career path, relationship status, or lifestyle choices is simply that – their perception. It doesn't diminish the validity or worth of your experiences. For example, if someone criticizes your decision to pursue a career in the arts, arguing it's not financially stable, their judgement doesn't negate the passion and fulfillment you derive from your work. Similarly, their approval of a particular relationship doesn't guarantee its success or your happiness. Our judgements of other people's lives and personal choices are equally irrelevant. Just as we value the autonomy to make our own decisions, we must extend the same respect to others. We often lack the full context of their situations, the motivations behind their actions, and the internal struggles they may be facing. Offering unsolicited advice or criticism based on limited information is not only presumptuous but can also be harmful. Imagine a friend deciding to move to a new city for a job opportunity. While you might have reservations about their decision, expressing them as definitive judgements ("That's a terrible idea, you'll regret it!") is unhelpful and disrespectful. Instead, focusing on supportive questions and offering assistance can be far more beneficial. ## The Relevance of Self-Judgement Our judgements of our own lives, however, hold significant weight. We are the most intimately acquainted with the circumstances surrounding our decisions, the various factors that influenced our choices (the inputs), and the resulting consequences (the outputs). We possess a unique understanding of our values, goals, and priorities, allowing us to assess the effectiveness of our actions in achieving our desired outcomes. This self-reflection is crucial for personal growth and development. For instance, if you consistently find yourself feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it's important to examine the choices that contribute to this state. Are you taking on too many commitments? Are you prioritizing tasks effectively? By honestly evaluating your own actions, you can identify areas for improvement and make adjustments to create a more fulfilling and balanced life. ### Offering Feedback When Affected Sometimes, the choices of others do directly affect our lives. In such instances, it becomes prudent to offer feedback, communicating how their actions have impacted us. The key is to frame this feedback from our own perspective, acknowledging that it reflects our subjective experience rather than an objective truth. This approach fosters understanding and avoids accusatory or judgmental language. For example, if a roommate consistently leaves their belongings scattered throughout the common living space, it's affecting your ability to relax and enjoy your home. ### Perspective vs. Absolute Statements Consider the difference between these two approaches: **Our perspective:** "When you leave your things in the living room, it makes me feel stressed and disorganized. I would prefer if you could keep your belongings in your own room." This statement focuses on your feelings and expresses a clear preference. **Absolute perspective:** "You should not leave your things in the living room because it's messy and inconsiderate. Instead, you should keep everything in your own room." This statement is judgmental and assumes that your standard of cleanliness is the only valid one. By focusing on our own feelings and preferences, we can communicate our needs effectively without imposing our values on others. This approach promotes constructive dialogue and strengthens relationships, even when disagreements arise. Remember, offering feedback is about expressing your experience, not dictating how others should live their lives.