## The Evolving Concept of Deserving Love Most people initially agree that everyone deserves love, which seems like a compassionate place to start. However, upon reflection, qualifications often arise. This initial broad acceptance tends to narrow when people consider individuals who actively harm others, such as murderers, rapists, or abusers. Given more thought, moral judgments might further exclude habitual liars or the deeply selfish, compiling a list of characteristics that disqualify someone from being considered truly 'good'. ## Who is 'Good Enough' for Love? ### The Pitfalls of Legalistic Definitions This line of thinking often leads to a revised stance: "Perhaps only *good* people are worthy of love." But this raises questions: how do we define 'worthy', and what level of goodness is 'good enough'? Defining a 'good person' merely as someone who obeys the law might seem simple, but this definition quickly runs into problems. Laws evolve over time, differ across cultures, and can sometimes be used unjustly. Take Rosa Parks, for example: she broke unjust segregation laws, technically making her a criminal, yet few today would label her 'bad'. Does this definition exclude her from being considered 'good'? ### The Subjectivity of 'Just' Laws and Moral Effort Acknowledging this issue, one might refine the definition to include only those who follow *just* laws. However, this simply shifts the problem, because determining which laws are 'just' depends on subjective moral judgment – essentially saying, "people who follow *my* moral code are good." Morality itself is often individual or depends on context, even when considering widely accepted codes like the Ten Commandments. In reality, it's arguably impossible for anyone to adhere perfectly to such codes without ever lying, feeling envious, or failing in duties like honoring one's parents. Given this difficulty, perhaps what makes someone 'good' and worthy, despite imperfections, is the effort to be good, the acknowledgment of failures, and the attempt to make amends? Yet, even this approach raises questions about the sincerity and adequacy of such efforts. Ultimately, defining who is truly worthy remains a challenge. ## The Mirror of Judgment: Applying Standards to Ourselves Whatever definition you ultimately settle on for a 'good person worthy of love', you will inevitably, perhaps subconsciously, apply that same standard to yourself. For instance, if you decide thieves aren't worthy of love, you might feel justified in allowing them to suffer, whether through inaction or intent, provided you yourself don't steal. But if you commit even a minor transgression, like taking a roommate's cookie without asking, your inner critic might ceaselessly whisper, "You are a thief, and therefore unworthy." ## The Gift of Universal Worthiness My personal belief is that everyone is inherently beautiful and worthy of love. By holding this belief, I offer myself one of the greatest possible gifts: the security of knowing that, regardless of my mistakes, I too remain beautiful and worthy of love. This self-acceptance is crucial because feeling unworthy prevents us from truly accepting the love others offer. You cannot embrace something beneficial, like love, if you don't feel you deserve it. Similarly, people are unlikely to choose vulnerability if they feel fundamentally flawed or 'ugly'. To cultivate deeper connections, you need the willingness to be vulnerable and to accept love from others. This requires believing in your own beauty and worthiness. And to truly sustain that belief for yourself, it helps immensely to extend it universally – to believe that everyone is beautiful and deserving of love (see also [[My Body Image]] and [[Love]] as a lived practice).