Subject: Keeping your identity up to date Last time, I wrote about how our minds are prediction machines—and how getting to know someone is really the process of building a model of them. If you haven’t read it yet, that piece is here: [[26-1-12]] That same prediction process doesn’t stop with other people. We also build a model of ourselves. Over time, each of us develops an internal picture of who we are: how we tend to react, what we enjoy, what we avoid, what motivates us, what drains us. This model helps us move through the world efficiently. It tells us what to pursue, what to ignore, and what we believe is “for us” or “not for us.” We usually call this model our identity. And just like with other people, the problem isn’t that the model exists. The problem is that it goes out of date. We change. Slowly, quietly, and continuously. Experiences accumulate. Priorities shift. Old beliefs loosen. New ones form. Meanwhile, our self-model often remains frozen in time. But it isn’t only us that changes. The world changes too. Our surroundings shift. Our roles evolve. The constraints and opportunities around us are different than they were before. As the world changes, our place within it changes as well. An identity that once fit well can begin to feel misaligned—not because anything is wrong, but because the context it was built for no longer exists. When either of these models—of ourselves or of the world—falls out of sync, friction appears. We feel frustrated with ourselves for not enjoying things we “should” enjoy. We cling to habits that no longer fit. We avoid experiences because they don’t match the story we’ve been telling about who we are. Something feels off, but it’s hard to name. The uncomfortable truth is this: The more confident you are in your identity, the more likely it is that parts of it are out of date. Certainty feels grounding, but it often comes at the cost of accuracy. Just like with other people, the moment we decide we fully understand ourselves, we tend to stop collecting new information. The mental file gets closed. New data that contradicts the story is explained away: “That’s not me,” “I’ve never liked that,” “I’m just not that kind of person.” At that point, we stop experiencing ourselves directly—and start interacting primarily with our model. Updating your identity is not a comfortable process. It requires paying attention to your feelings without immediately jumping to conclusions. Instead of rushing to label them or explain them away, it means sitting with them. Reflecting on what they might be pointing toward. Asking what they reveal about your values, your needs, and what matters to you now—not what mattered before. This same process applies to your relationship with your body. Your body changes over time. What it’s capable of changes. What it responds well to changes. The assumptions you once held about your energy, strength, recovery, or limits may no longer be accurate. Holding onto an outdated model here can lead to unnecessary frustration—or even harm. I’ve written more about this elsewhere, specifically about how our minds relate to our bodies and how that relationship evolves over time: [[The Mind-Body Relationship]] This isn’t about loss. It’s about accuracy. So how do you keep your identity up to date? By treating it as something to be tested, not defended. Re-evaluate your likes and dislikes. Try something you’ve told yourself you dislike—not to force a change, but to test the assumption. Pause a habit you assume you enjoy and notice what actually shifts. Pay attention to your body, not as something to control, but as a source of information. If your model was accurate, something reassuring happens. You feel validated. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from knowing you really do know yourself. And if it wasn’t accurate, that isn’t a failure. It’s information. You don’t lose an identity—you refine it. This newsletter is an ongoing practice of that same posture: staying open, resisting premature closure, and allowing room for updates—about other people, about the world, and about yourself. Leave room for surprise.